Friday, July 30, 2004

this picture is enough to make me almost faint

(for those unaware, colin greenwood = man of my dreams - danny goffey = close 2nd)

curiosa. jerry, you'd be jealous... wasn't it charlotte sometimes you had wanted to hear so badly when we last saw them at lakewood (i refuse to call it that corporate whore name) those eight-odd years ago? well, that was what almost closed the night...

when they played "a night like this" i could have left just after that and been content. hell, i got my money's worth before interpol even left the stage. incredible music, good company... and hours of (mental) hipster bingo fun! so many pretty boys... particularly one...

about the time i last saw the cure at lakewood (but not the last time i saw the cure) i was going through an insane boycrazy phase. what is new, right? it was a little different then. i would get these crushes and i would obsess and they would be damn near painful. come to think of it, i had one like that just last year involving a little russian boy, but we're past that now... but anyway... i find myself at this nonsense again.

a girl can tell herself to drop it. to forget it. maybe he's cute, but completely unobtainable. not because of silly self-consciousness or anything like that... just because elements of the past - a past before she had any idea who he was, which isn't completely accurate either - probably that she's gone out with friends of his, or worse just messed around with one. maybe she has friends who have told her for whatever reason it is best to just let it go - friends that truly have her best interest in mind.

and yet she can't get him out of her brain. she exaggerates and says that he shows up in her dreams every night, but not when she retracts and says, "ok, it's just every other night." he seems to be everywhere she is on the weekends... but nevermind that sometimes she knows he's going to be. they've never spoken - she can't even say what his voice sounds like, because anytime she is near him she clams up turns into a debilitatingly shy 14-year-old girl who just found herself on an elevator with orlando bloom or the lead singer of thursday or something.

every now and then - if she's drunk enough and out dancing - she'll try to catch his gaze, but her boldness deteriorates the longer she's exposed to the attention.

i swear to god those eyes burn holes in my soul!

i cannot have him. i don't even think i want him. and yet the desire to just pull him in a dark corner and kiss those lips until they are raw, and to feel handfuls of that long black hair crumpled in my hands, all the while with karen o in the background serenading us... oh, it hurts.

why can't he just love me?

because i am just not cool enough, i guess.

and it isn't supposed to be...

Wednesday, July 28, 2004

to see the new hair, go to good ole friendster. but know that the photo does not provide a representation of my hair at its full rock star capacity...

thank you to the lovely people who spent sunday brunch with me.

happy birthday to my favorite gay boy and my date for what may the greatest concert ever tomorrow night, la curiosa.... oh, interpol. how i love you.... pure sex in the form of some pretty unattractive, yet still really hot men.

and finally, an apology to mooky, my truck. i am sorry that your door almost got ripped off and your ass is smashed, but hopefully you'll be back in commission soon. and with a new paint job, hopefully.

Thursday, July 22, 2004

"wheelchair fetishist."

it arrived over a week ago in the form of a text message.

the best insult ever weilded at me. i refuse to elaborate here for the grief it may cause me in the future. just know it's the only insult that has ever delighted me so.

round one - cd wins!

it's all gone, children. my signature repunzel locks now lie captured in a ziplock bag on the counter, ready to be carried by the powers of the us postal service to a charitable organization... 14 glorious inches. gone, daddy, gone.

and me. i can now officially score you a point the next time you engage in a round of hipster bingo.

i like to call it my karen o hair. (she is, after all, my new debbie harry.)

hopefully i will have a picture soon. in the mean time, i revel in the thought of the money i will save on shampoo and conditioner... the weight lifted from my messenger bag now that i no longer require a hairbrush better resembling a dominatrix's tool... the idea of never needing another ponytail holder around my wrist before i can go out dancing...

now i understand.

thank you my beloved katherine and my newly beloved deena. heidi now feels not only cute, but now damn near hot.

i believe glamourpuss is the word i have been wearing out.

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

great moments in recent heidi history i have somehow neglected to document here. surprise, surprise. roommate, the beautiful and lovely megan, has dubbed me a queen of one-liners this past week. the most notable among them comes at the end of this tale:

the "good boy" - title now revoked - earned his heartbreak, if indeed there ever really was any. things were finalized on a monday. that friday we were out to azul, where i ran into him when i really didn't need to mentally. so i spoke enough to be polite, but then managed to drink and dance myself into obliviousness. in the meantime, he was leaving (unbeknownst to me) with one of my good friends.

come sunday, i go to his place to retrieve what i thought to be the last of my things. since we never ever got to stay at my place, i didn't have to return anything. i got a sappy goodbye and i really did love you, blah blah blah. all the while, he had just 24 hours before banged one of my close friends in that very house. and poorly from what i understand.

a week later she couldn't take it. she had been beating herself up about it and confessedit to me. i couldn't be angry with her. she was upset enough herself. he, however, had discarded it as if it were nothing.

don't get me wrong, here. i am elated he slept with someone else. i am not elated he chose my pool of friends to find his victim. and then kissed me goodbye with the same mouth that - well, nevermind. he didn't do that. that was part of our problem to begin with... but the point is that that was still prety sleazy.

so - i am informed by her. within hours i found myself back at azul with three of my bestest friends. as soon as i walk in, there he is. he makes a bee line for me. how do i handle this?

touches my shoulder - hey.

so you fucked _____!

megan as so proud, she had to stifle the excited laughter.

i then asked if he could not start by sleeping with all my friends. if it was some tactic to make me feel sorry i had left him, then it backfired. dumb jerk.

and i have now developed a crush that can never come to fruition and it has so much to do with the time i wasted on him. damnit!

2. heidi did something amazingly a)spontaneous, b)desperate, and c) stupid that now trumps anything i have ever stung you with in a game of never ever have i ever.

i met a stranger at a hotel for sex.

fortunately, he did not turn out to be a psycho and it was the westin, which was pretty hot. so was some of the sex.

sadly, not all of the sex. and i sensed attachment the next morning. no - i didn't sense it. no pretending. it was there. i ran scared like a little boy. note to self. that's done. i can mark that one on the purity test now. i don't need to do that again.

unless it's a rock star.

and a british one at that. or irish. or scottish.

or this boy that has haunted my every dream for the last few weeks. stop your snickering, case. you blog whore.

3. not a great moment, but a rant. have i addressed this before? sorry if i have, but i insist on doing it again.

how is it possible that boys who can kiss beautifully can't give head and boys who give head beautifully cannot kiss? there are a few exceptions, but they should be the rule. not the other way around. how is it that i left a perfectly beautiful boy who both just fine to go out and explore, only to stumble on this phenomenon. a stumble that has left me with quite a bump on my head, might i add.

explain this to me. someone please.

i am dying here.

Monday, July 19, 2004

fresh from nyc. having just finished the last page of a long sought-after copy of the marc spitz novel "how soon is never?" (i started it on the plane home), i am already wishing i could have stayed. 
perhaps my last visit to nyc - some six? years ago... seven? - it was still entirely too early in my theatre existence to realize what a perfect atmosphere it could be for me.  don't get me wrong, the call of england is still louder and more pronounced, but maybe i have found my stepping stone.  within hours of being there i already felt like a native.  i quickly found that i could navigate the city like a pro.  in 120 minute's time i managed to get to the pop shop (an all keith haring store manned by total fucking snobs who fretted if i so much as unfolded a tshirt to see if it would fit me), the relocated cafe sin-e (where despite said relocation i could still  feel the ghost of mr. buckley), AND get to chelsae to meet my beloved friend nikki for some upright citizen's brigade sketch comedy - all on foot - all in the pouring rain - all with little map assistance.  i felt soooo new york.
time spent with miss g was fantastic.  the show at UCB restored my faith in comedy/ensemble-driven theatre.  not that any place like that that i am associated with has lost its touch completely, but we could all use the kind of inspiration that those guys instilled in me on wednesday night.  for crying out loud - it was a wednesday night show at 930 and it was packed!  and f-in hilarious.  and the smart kinda funny.... abstract teenagers dating surrealists against their parent's wishes, confusion over a black peter pan - sure you had to be there, but... well, i guess you had to be there. 
(you did not have to be there for the nonsense that ensued thereafter.  may i never blackout on any of you.or at all period.   it felt like spring break, senior year, night 1 all over again.  only i have no funny stories about people chasing drag queens this time.)
we also managed to catch an incredible shakespeare in the park performance of "much ado" featuring any number of nbc/abc primetime stars (sam waterston of law and order, jimmy smits, the list goes on) who actually comprehended the text!  amazing.  it truly was an incredible production.  in fact, it served as just another reminder of the good things that could await me if i decided to take a detour on my way to the UK.
after that i hung out with nik and some of her fam.  mrs. robinson was pushing with all of her might against the door i had her locked up behind... nik has a LOVELY cousin from switzerland who's 19.  precious in every way.  and though her other cousin kept soliciting him to me, i thought nicole might hurt me if i let ole maggie may out of her cage.  so i contained myself, only to learn that the idea excited my friend to no end.  damn.
i have always said that nik is perhaps the most beautiful person i know.  there's something about that whole european/asian combination that renders straight beauty. her whole family are gorgeous, and my god - the boy was half swiss - all that preciousness with blonde hair and brown eyes to boot.  if only i had had a little more to drink.  but wednesday night's events after UCB made me weary of drinking too much too fast with little on my tummy.  god - i make it sound like i blacked out, huh?  rest assured it was neither myself nor nicolee.
after closing up two places, we hit an all night diner with one other member of the entourage and walked home in new daylight to her temp place and slept off the stout until it was time to rise for brunch in the city with another oglethorpian and then send me back off to laguardia. 
other highlights of nyc - i lost my mind in the union square virgin megastore and spent too much money.  found the reindeer section (scottish supergroup with snow patrol's lead singer, whose voice melts my insides), snow patrol (did i mention the lead singer's voice?), and a book i have been looking for for ages (the afore-mentioned "how soon is never?"  -  good book, if the writer does go a bit too far identifying the artist of every song he mentions... saw an off-broadway show that was interesting... and did not - i repeat DID NOT - get any.
thanks to nik though, for making it a kick-ass trip anyway!
now, back to my blog neglecting.