Thursday, February 26, 2004

sometimes i smoke crack and say stoopid things... well, i don't really smoke crack. but the rest, well...

i am not madly in love with a boy from vegas. i was blinded - no make that blindfolded and kidnapped - by what basically amounts to incredible sex. i was brainwashed by orgasm into believing this poor boy was what i needed. nope. almost three months and one blog entry later, i am here to say - again i misjudged.

sometimes i get sad about justin. sorry i ever left him, though i am sure all who know him will attest that it is the best thing i could have done for myself. sometimes i think i gave up too easily and no one will ever love me like that again. then i remember that that is bullshit. if he really did, he certainly did a shitty job of showing it sometimes...

nevertheless, when i do this, i start thinking i want to be in a relationship again. and sometimes i find a starting point, then realize that there is no way this person is right - or for that matter, in this case - good enough for me. i panic, swear off relationships again and feel like a complete bitch because i just broke somebody's heart. or in this case - i don't because he was a headcase.

no self-respect and, thus incapable of being anything but utterly selfish. when i told him that i had to end this because i was really just trying to replace justin, he said that was ok. that it was no reason to leave him. he didn't mind being my second choice. wtf????? i am baffled that as smart as i think i am sometimes, i still let things continue after that.

so that's done.



now i just keep reminding myself that i am pretty damn cute and pretty damn fantastic. and all these beautiful men that i quietly and subtly pine away for on the dance floors of clubs who think they are too cool for me or are simply not good enough anyway. i deserve something amazing - and it'll find me eventually. in the meantime - i am gonna let cute rock star boys buy me drinks and take me home so i can ravage them while their power's out. it's a start anyway...

did i mention that, thus far, boys with the irish in them are great in bed?

somehow i neglected to see fit to write in this thing when the most monumental event of the year occurred. ladies and gentlemen - DAVID J HUGGED ME.

DAVID J. Bauhaus/Love and Rockets/"You cannot go against nature because when you do go against nature, it's part of nature too" DAVID FUCKING J. casey d would probably also like for me to note that i drove mr. haskins (j) and his lovely wife to the airport in his car. i would like to omit the part where i finally got up the nerve to start a conversation with the man and thus missed my exit for the airport because i was too busy hearing about daniel ash's trapped nerve and enthralled that the man in the seat next to me was DAVID FUCKING J. the very man who played the first note at the greatest concert i have ever been to in my life. i would also like to omit the part where when i picked them up at their hotel and introduced myself mr haskins said, "hi, heidi. i am david" and my response was "yes. yes you are..." or something equally ridiculous. let's keep the part where he gave me a huge hug at the airport curbside though, shall we?

also important to note - i am on my way to scotland in - count them with me - 8 lovely days.

if only i had slept last night as i should have, i would now have the enrgy to complete this blog entry... but alas - boys with irish in them... the drinkin' doesn't slow them down, y'know.