Tuesday, May 31, 2005

ok. i understand that i look different. and i understand that my rapunzel-hair was certainly a defining characteristic for a long time. a looooonnnggg time. however, i am starting to think that it must have been the only element of my persona/personality that anyone ever paid any attention to... am i really so bland that shedding 14 inches of hair and a few dozen pounds renders me completely unrecognizable?

it's starting to really hurt my feelings. the other night i did something very bitchy and i don't even feel bad about it. working job #2 (of approximately 4), i was excited to see that someone who's kid i used to babysit AND that i used to work with (and adored doing so) was coming by. however, as has happened too many times, he came to my box office and gave his name in earnest as if i didn't know who he was.


i know who you are. you have no idea who i am do you?
of course i do. (lying)
no you don't. here are your tickets, (names changed to protect the maybe-innocent).

I never bothered to clue him in.

In the last few years, my confidence had definitely escalated with the new hair and the new dress size, but I can feel everything starting to falter and it's giving me a serious complex - not to mention a huge chip on my shoulder. I am not certain how to handle it either. I keep wanting to lash out at people, but this seems an absolutely absurd excuse for such a thing. But was my hair all there was to me? Have I never said an interesting thing in my life? Gee, Heidi.... you're a total fucking bore, but boy your hair sure was nice. Part of my bitter self has decided that anyone who doesn't recognize me never cared to begin with and will be cut from the roster without question... but then I wonder, honestly, if there really isn't much more to me...

This is only making going to my 10 year reunion next month look good...

Tuesday, May 24, 2005

if everything goes according to planned and thanks to my beloved dryden, i am gonna meet a rock star - who is also a main character in one of the best books i have read all year - tomorrow... and i will have much to say about that i am sure.

i am giddy like a schoolgirl. more precisely like a giddy english schoolgirl!

Friday, May 13, 2005

my new thing is to follow the decemberists around.

i am sitting in nik's kitchen thinking i wish i had more time to blog..... alas...

Thursday, May 05, 2005

there are a few unlikely words and phrases that keep popping up in my life recently... odalisque, Palo Alto, and sinew.

any ideas?