Wednesday, November 19, 2003

no news is good news i guess...

or not. the last couple of weeks have been pretty low key.

however, i am now the proud owner of my very first tattoo. the keith haring angel i have always wanted now resides just above my front right hip. less painful than menstrual cramps and the artist was pretty fucking hot to boot. i think my roommate won him over though, so i expect to see him in my apartment at a later date. oh, becca.... to be young again.

i am really glad i decided on my front hip instead of my back hip, above my breast or on my left shoulder like i had originally contemplated. as not-painful as it proved itself, it is still easily irritated. at least here i can sit with my shirt pulled up and shower sideways until it heals. after the fiasco this morning inthe shower, i can't imagine washing this mess of hair with it on my shoulder. water isn't suppose to "beat on it," so i guess i would be confined to baths for two weeks.

she really does make me happy. i am already thinking about what i can add to her... and about my next one. the whole painting has an ocean and a dolphin and stuff, but i think i may stick to simply accenting my angel.

tomorrow night i leave for las vegas. i am soooooo thrilled. i can't wait to see lexis, to meet chloe, all of it. most importantly... the change of scenery. god, do i need it.

i'll be spending tuesday there alone - what case has referred to as what could be my "Lost in Translation" experience... i love that analogy. i can't wait to find out. but that's the night of placebo, so maybe if i hang out at the hotel enough (where the concert venue is as well) - i might see the boys roll in. brian molko cannot possibly be that easy to miss. he's practically my height when i wear heels - and when, i ask, do i not?

i have missed alexis immensely as well. i was a little scared at first, things have changed so much. but then, no they really haven't. on the phone the other night, you never would have known that it had been a year and change and 1000 miles since we'd spoken.

blessed i am with amazing friends... alexis, nicole, katherine, case.... i truly am lucky.

this past week was a concert extravaganza. going to athens to see badly drawn boy with griffin, dryden, and jeanee was definitely the highlight. the show was pretty good... especially after the intermission. the crowd were asses and he wasn't taking it well, but overallthe musc sounded fantastic. but the best part was just sitting in the coffee shop with everybody hanging out, watching boys... wait - that was just me. watching the boys...

la guns - not tthe same without 3/5 of the lineup in tact, but fun all the same. and the crowd - wow. i'll let your imagination run wild with that one.

Friday, November 07, 2003

so... on e letter of rec down. two to go. this wales thing is starting to feel a little more realistic now. i am going to look into the RPA thing next week i think to see if that's a feasible funding option. that's egg donation... and about a third of my tuition if i finish it out. it's not going to be a popular decision, but then i guess it's really only my business.

i just told my friend angie that i was a happy slut. of course, we know how i feel about that word, we've been here before... but it's like when i jokingly call my amy a silly cunt.

i actually just started a written sex journal. i am going to document as much as i can remember of the last 12 years or so since i lost my virginity to Mr. Jamie Lee Stephens and then try to write about each new experience as it occurs. in just the last two days since i started, i have already learned so much about me. i have said that about this thing too... but it doesn't make it any less true.
and the fun part is that i get to begin it with the second boy i ever wanted and how i finally accomplished it all these years later... like a full circle kind of thing... hmmm

lately i have noticed my backbone getting stronger. my skin getting thicker. but it isn't making me a colder person by any stretch of the imagination. i really like who i am becoming. i have never really felt like that before. it's damn near euphoric... it's amazing what a couple of changes in your life can do. i feel like i keep repeating myself, but i am just so fascinated with this new feeling...

it doesn't bother me that the boy from last weekend hasn't contacted me. nor that the one from this weekend has been busy. i have a feeling i'll hear form him soon enough though - i think i have finally come to terms with not relying on boys to make me happy but instead seeing them as extra-added bonuses. does that sound bad? i hope not.

Monday, November 03, 2003

Halloween fucking ROCKED this year.

If for no other reason - and please forgive my vanity at the moment, but I don't think I have ever been afforded the opportunity to love myself quite so much before AND it feels GOOD - than that I put on a vinyl mini skirt, fishnets, platform knee boots, and a tank top and looked HOT! I LOOKED HOT! I NEVER LOOK HOT! Bless you, Dr. Atkins. Bless you a hundred times for every pound of yuck that is now absent from my body. I felt so lovely that I didn't even care if anyone was looking in my general direction. Does that make sense?

Can I also say that I told myself that over and over as I walked the walk of shame back to my car at 745am Saturday morning in that outfit - head held high - refusing to hang my head for the people out walking their pets at that ungodly hour of morn. A sight to have seen I am sure - this goth princess carrying a pair of black angel wings and a messenger bag bidding good morning to the guy in his flannel pj pants, bathrobe, and UGA ball cap pretending not to notice her ripped fishnet stockings. That's my second amusing walk of shame story ever. Oddly enough, the first happened many a year ago, but involved the same second party.

My beloved college friends... Amy? Amanda? Portwood? Dryden? I am sure you ALL remember that one.

Anyway - I had a party to go to every night and was completely surrounded by people I love and adore... and I got to dance my little ass off (well, not so little, but who cares). And Rene played English Summer Rain - which always makes me happy.

I felt like such a social butterfly. Perhaps a beautiful black monarch...