the heidi chronicles

so... on e letter of rec down. two to go. this wales thing is starting to feel a little more realistic now. i am going to look into the RPA thing next week i think to see if that's a feasible funding option. that's egg donation... and about a third of my tuition if i finish it out. it's not going to be a popular decision, but then i guess it's really only my business.

i just told my friend angie that i was a happy slut. of course, we know how i feel about that word, we've been here before... but it's like when i jokingly call my amy a silly cunt.

i actually just started a written sex journal. i am going to document as much as i can remember of the last 12 years or so since i lost my virginity to Mr. Jamie Lee Stephens and then try to write about each new experience as it occurs. in just the last two days since i started, i have already learned so much about me. i have said that about this thing too... but it doesn't make it any less true.
and the fun part is that i get to begin it with the second boy i ever wanted and how i finally accomplished it all these years later... like a full circle kind of thing... hmmm

lately i have noticed my backbone getting stronger. my skin getting thicker. but it isn't making me a colder person by any stretch of the imagination. i really like who i am becoming. i have never really felt like that before. it's damn near euphoric... it's amazing what a couple of changes in your life can do. i feel like i keep repeating myself, but i am just so fascinated with this new feeling...

it doesn't bother me that the boy from last weekend hasn't contacted me. nor that the one from this weekend has been busy. i have a feeling i'll hear form him soon enough though - i think i have finally come to terms with not relying on boys to make me happy but instead seeing them as extra-added bonuses. does that sound bad? i hope not.

posted by trixievw @ 4:40 PM