so other notable occurrences of the past 20 days or so...
ang and i are going to scotland in march. my fencing class is awesome, but it's gonna whoop me. and i heard from the boy.
you know the one.... all the way back to post number one. i have failed to report since said first post that i have been in some semblance of contact with him now three times since the greatest and worst weekend of my life. he said he felt weird, remembered very little of what transpired... something like explaining himself. i felt better. not good, but better.
boy: well, there is a certain point past which I have no recollection of what happens
boy: and then I just wake up somewhere
trixievw: hmmmm....
boy: it's like christmas! It's always different
trixievw: that happen recently?
trixievw: you don't have to answer that
boy: no, I never blacked out
boy: but I do feel weird about what happened
boy: but I do feel weird about what happened
trixievw: i understand - i could tell
boy: (by the way, by waking up different places, I mean like on my friend's floor)
trixievw: (i know -)
later i sent a hello and then for weeks, nothing. i thought i was beyond it. and then a mass email arrived with my name amongst those in the "to" field. i replied and asked if he meant to send it to me. his response was yes - unless i didn't want him to and how was i?
ok - how are you. then i prematurely hit send before i could say anymore. this morning, against my own better judgment, i sent this:
"hey... i know you're busy.
i just wanted to tell you that i really just miss talking to you. a lot.
i know we can't go back... but it'd be nice to try.
talk to ya later?
heidi"
i can't help but think maybe he is not out of my life. i don't know how much of that is because i don't want him out. but i don't know how much control i have... i don't want anything more than my friend back.
i still stand firmly by being single - it's too soon after justin to start anything else. i haven't experienced anything yet... my life has just begun. there are so many things out there, and i just hope i am not gonna screw it up. and i hope i am not gonna make anyone else feel like i do in the aftermath...
it's thrown my whole week off. i just want it right again. though, realistically, i don't know if it can be.
the new travis album is fantastic. non-believers should at least check out the last two songs... i can't stop hearing them.
posted by trixievw @ 1:09 PM
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