Monday, November 08, 2004

5 - well 6 - rules for concert-goers, as proclaimed by Heidi

1. Tall people need recognize that they are blessed with the ability to see over heads. Thus, they shall stay on the sides or gather in clusters and NOT, above all other things, plant themselves in front of anyone who appears under a height of 5'2".

2. Purses shall not appear on general admission floors nor on dance floors. This is why God and Levi's provide us with pockets. If one breaks this rule, then the person that one keeps knocking in the face, stomach with it has allowance to whop you over the effing head with it.

3. The guys onstage can smoke all they want. They aren't packed like sardines on top of a flammable floor. You are. Don't be stupid.

4. Get your fix at the bar (and/or in the restroom)before the headlining band takes stage. If you vacate your spot on the GA floor after Interpol - or whoever - have played the first chord, you have one opportunity to return to that spot. Should you leave it again, it is forfeited. There are, after all, people who paid their money to actually see the band... not the bartender or the coke-haven stalls.

5. If you arrive right before the headliner goes on and have not stood there to endure the one, two, eight opening acts, you - I am sorry - do not reserve rights to force your way to the front. This is especially if these opening acts included the Eagles of Death Metal. Nope, I am sorry. They suck.

6. Moving one's body to the music is a true sign of one's appreciation. Flailing around like a drunk hussy without regard for those packed around you in whose eye your finger just poked is not. It is rather an insult to the band as you are really just trying to make the show about you.

So spake Heidi. Heed my warnings....

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